Christmas

So my Christmas break began like this;

*Crying mother* "Byebye Emma... Joe... I love you..", "I love you too mom.... do we have to go?", "Yes, but it'll be over in a few days, it'll be alright."

After a long flight all day, my brother and I arrived in the RDU airport, and swiftly picked up by our father. Instead of staying at his terrifyingly mean girlfriends house (like this summer), we were then driven to our old house. All the beds and such were set up and we unpacked, cleaned and got settled in. Then the next day, dad actually became a dad, and set up the tree and outside lights for decorating and festive holiday cheer. This has never happened before. "Maybe he's changed for the better?" Joe asked me. I was skeptical, and with good reason. After this, though we were promised only very minimal visitation to his crazy, terrifying and bitchy girlfriends house, there we were. Then we had to have dinner with them. It wasn't that bad, because we went from their house to my aunts and I had space away from them, so they could do their own thing. That night I slept over with my cousins, aunt and uncle, and it was very enjoyable. The next day I woke up and had an awesome day with my aunt and female cousin. We got our nails done, and afterwards got several rounds of sushi. Most people think it's disgusting, but that's okay, the more raw salmon and rice for me, the better. It was delicious and awesome and I enjoyed myself immensely. In between these good times, though, were my dads constant restrictions and angry remarks, controlling comments, and his girlfriends way of telling me she thinks I'm a bitch and that I should die. "I'm the dad and I say this is the way to do this. I don't care if you don't like this, I want to so you have to!", and from his girlfriend; "So, you can't say Hi huh? Oh? You didn't hear me? Well thanks a lot. Hi EMMA. It's great to see you." Thank you terrifying crazy ass psycho girlfriend. I don't ever hate anyone, but if I had to pick, she would be on that list. After all, all I did was say nothing, because if I say anything at anytime I'm automatically disrespectful. Better not to say anything at all right? This was Christmas eve and as a Nordic custom, my fathers girlfriends family opens their presents. We were forced to go to their Christmas, so I brought presents. I got one for each, and we all eventually sat down around the tree. Because my dads girlfriend found it necessary, I handed out presents. I gave around 7 to her youngest daughter, 6 to her second daughter, 6 to her youngest son, and 3 to her oldest son, 4 to my father, 6 to her, 2 to my brother, and one, for me. The kids loved their presents from me, and I felt pretty cool, except for the fact my brother and I had less presents then my dad, and on top of that, I only got one. And the stuff my brother got was complete crap. He got a shock pen, and a drawing on old loose leaf paper, and I opened my one present, from my father, a drawing book and some pencils. Not what I wanted. At all. I was going to cry. As all the kids played with there presents, showing them off, Joe folded a paper airplane with the drawing and shocked himself with the pen as I awkwardly sketched. But that was okay, I thought, because tomorrows Christmas! I'm sure Santa has brought me something awesome right? And I've got to have more presents at home too, right?

The next morning, I arose and woke up my brother and dad. Dad cursed angrily upon my cheery wake up call and went outside to smoke a few. I heard Joe call from the living room and I came in. "Where are the presents?!" He asked, confused. We sat for a while, waiting for dad. He finally came back in and sat down. I asked him why there were the same amount of presents under the tree as last night. Two. One for me and one for Joe. I asked him why Santa hadn't come, and why he still ate the cookies and milk even though he didn't bring anything. Dad pointed out that he had filled our stockings, but you see, my dad had the bigger stocking and our stockings were hardly filled. So we got our stockings and then opened our two presents. I got a stupid design book I didn't want, and Joe got a thrift store book on guns that was 40 years out of date. Poor Joe didn't know what to make of this. I braved it one more time, and asked dad why Santa only brought candy, no presents. His response was: "Well, Santa didn't have the time or money, so he couldn't." Okay, great. You've just now pretty much said to your ten year old sons face that Santa fucking hates Me and him. Way to go dad. Then we went to see a movie. On Christmas. I didn't want to see a movie in the first place, but not only did we have to see a movie, it was a movie I did not want to see, and the only person in my family that wanted to see it was pretty much my dad. So I roughed it, knowing afterwards, from what I was told, I could enjoy a nice Christmas lunch with my family, at a local Chinese buffet. Well, the movie ended, and after we left the theater I heard my dad ask "Who wanted to see that movie anyways? It was lame." We all started to go to the cars, and I, expecting to go to the Chinese buffet, started walking to my aunts car. I was quickly stopped and pulled into my dads car. I was freaking out, obviously because I had no idea what the fuck was going on. Dad then said "NO! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET CHINESE. WE ARE HAVING LASANGIA AT [insert fucking crazy insane bitchy girlfriends name that we were promised not to see a lot here]'s" Joe was really upset and asked why we couldn't go to the china buffet, and I did as well. I hate lasangia, and I obviously didn't want to go. Then, being the great person she is, my dads girlfriend said this; "Well, you know what? It's not a fucking punishment to fucking come to my house and eat the fucking food I made you, while you spend sometime with your dad. Its not like I'm torturing you." Joe then added that both he and I did not like lasangia at all, and we would feel sick eating it so we would rather go with the rest of our family to eat Chinese, like we were previously promised. No. We got yelled at and forced into the car. I got into the car and started bawling. I've cried 7 times in the past 4 days. I'm a pretty rational person, you can ask any of my friends, I'm almost always calm and collected mentally, but I lost it. I was wailing and crying and dad kept asking what was wrong, why I was so upset. He should already know. I screamed and yelled about how I felt, what I knew was wrong, why this was the most unfair, how I don't ask for much. He gave me a half assed lecture on how I need to respect him, and then I screamed that I wanted to kill myself. Frankly, at this point; I do. Meanwhile, Joe had been crying the whole time in the back seat, I had totally forgot he was there, and I feel so bad that he had to hear that. Then my dad told me how it was not okay to manipulate him by telling him that I wanted to commit suicide. I nearly jumped out of the car door, and we were on the highway. We finally got to his girlfriends house, we sat around doing nothing, his girlfriend lectured me for no reason on how I'm dumb and disrespectful and how I'm such a bitch, then she told me to eat. I ate, and we left. My dad saw her do this. So why the FUCK, is he still with her, why does he allow this? Christmas? This is fucking hell.


To be continued....