Well.

Not exactly sure what to say. Really lately everything in my life has been like a roller coaster of uncertainty. Yay, being a teenager, right? My Christmas was pretty good, I got a lot of presents, gave some presents, spent time with my mom, her boyfriend, and my bother, which is better then visiting my dad and his girlfriend. I wish Michael (my boyfriend) had been talking to me, that would have made it better. As usual, I feel like I shouldn't be with Michael, like he and I don't fit together well, and that's upsetting. There are so many other guys who want to treat me well, and I don't care because I'm so hooked on trying to get Michael to treat me how I think I deserve. Maybe I'm unrealistic. Who knows? I'm a teenage girl, my emotions are always all over the place I guess. I really miss Michael. I haven't really had like a real conversation with him in a long time. He hasn't come over in a while, and I haven't really felt that connection with him in a while. I guess it's a phase. Who knows. Well there is my depressing teenager rant. I don't even think that many people read my blog anyways, so it doesn't really matter, haha. Well bye now!

Why Am I So Bad With Posts?

I'm really sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been super busy. Junior year of high school is not fun, not one bit. I feel like shit cause I have a cold, and I'm worried because I don't wanna miss even one day, and I don't wanna get audited. High school sucks. Michael, the boy I am currently going out with, I love him to death, but I must say, all guys are the same, huh? I really love him a lot. I do, but after 4 months of dating, he dropped out romantically, which is definitely upsetting because that's part of the reason why I fell for him in the first place. Because of his lack of romance, and his need for solitude, I'm alone a lot of the time, which really upsets me because, and yes I admit this, I'm one of those annoying stalker girlfriends who constantly needs attention. I'm pretty constant with it though, so I'm a bit upset about the fact he's stopped reminding me I'm pretty and sweet and cute, etc. I mean, I know he thinks that, but I want that reassurance. He makes sure to reminds me he loves me, but never why he loves me, or how much. I mean, maybe I'm asking for too much or I'm high strung, but I really just want him to go back to being him. I feel like a dork blogging about my high school love life, and you know, I kind of am a dork, and that's okay. I mean, I'm a teenage girl, what do people expect? Well anyways, I explained how he is in ROTC, yes? Well there was a military ball last Friday that I went to with him. I got very dressed up and fancy, wore a very revealing and attractive dress, and he got me a corsage and it was great, at first. When we got there there was a dinner, announcements, stories, etc., I didn't mind. What I did mind is the fact he told me to be quiet, polite and courteous before hand, and he was sitting there screaming profanity and terrible inappropriate jokes like across the room with his buddies which I didn't understand and I felt terribly left out and confused. I sat there looking like a fool, and yes he paid lots of attention to me, but I still felt left out because all of these jokes, convos, etc., were being thrown around and I didn't get it at all. Afterwards a large group or ROTC kids, me and Michael all went to IHOP, and it was about 12am. We all fumbled around with the waiter trying to find a good seating arrangement. I was tired, and I still felt left out, and I sat there and ate with Michael and his buddies still confused, and lonely. It was a pretty confusing and kinda bad night. I mean, it was great because of him. He made it great, just everything else was just so much. Ugh. I feel dumb. So at school there's this rumor that I cheated on Michael with another kid I know and am friends with, Jack. Yes, Jack is cute, and sweet, treats me like a princess, etc., but he is no Michael, and I wouldn't trade, ever. I love Michael to pieces, and I have noooo idea where this rumor came from and it hasn't put a strain on Michael and I's relationship, it's ruined almost all of my friendships. Almost everyone I know like hates me now. All of my used-to-be-friends left, and at school it's just me and two or three other people. It's stupid. I don't even understand. The rumor is, is that I made out with Jack at a school dance, when in truth I danced with him once, hung out with my "date" Mitchel and danced the whole night with Alexis. It's ridiculous. I don't even know how the rumor got started cause jack was all over his ex all night and THEY were making out which made no sense. I'm still confused, but I guess people need to hate someone, and I guess that someone is me, huh? Wow, lots to say huh? I'm a miss chatty Cathy, huh? Anyways I might not post again for a while, but I always appreciate views, comments, followers, etc. I'm not gonna force you to, but I do enjoy it. Well goodbye everyone, and I hope your life is going much better!

It's Been a While, Huh?

Well, it's been a while hasn't it? Last time you guys heard from me, if I'm correct, it was Christmas. Well remember that 'wonderful' boyfriend I had? Truthfully he wasn't wonderful, he was a jerk, he made me feel like crap and a week after our one year anniversary he broke up with me. I still don't understand why I even bothered with him, I guess I thought I could help him become a better person, but that was frankly, not the case. It was at least worth a try and it failed, but that's alright because he's no longer a problem of mine! c: So after that whole ordeal went down, my younger brother Joe convinced my mom not to make us go to North Carolina again, thank goodness, and so we don't have to deal with my father or his crazy, not just girlfriend, but fiance, anymore, thank goodness. Time for a little story here... So when I moved from NC to AZ, I went to a small high school... Campo, and then switched to a smaller middle school that had 9th grade. When I walked into the smaller middle school, the boy who took my I.D. picture was tall and awkward and shy, and very quickly rushed me out of the office, and after that I saw him everywhere, and I mean everywhere, all over the schools campus, and when we moved into the bigger high school, he and I even had classes. Now I had always though he was cute, but I was always to scared to talk to him because he's tall, and in ROTC, and shy, and on top of it all my last boyfriend was terrifyingly stupid, so I didn't dare talk to him, but it happened. I didn't even know this boys name, but one of my friends said they had a friend who was lonely and wanted a girlfriend, and they gave me the name Michael. Michael, hmm, which Michael? I was promptly given a last name and I quickly Facebook stalked the hell out of him. Finally I asked for a friend request and in the morning I gained the courage to ask for this boys number. One of the first things he said was "Hey, weren't you the girl with the short black hair I I.D.'d?" Just the fact he remembered that made my heart race. We talked for three days straight, late into the night, talking on Skype, joking around, and on the fourth day we mutually asked to go out. Now I gotta say, no I'm not rushing into anything. I'm ready for a new relationship, especially with this boy. He's extremely sweet and extremely nice and cute and wonderful and he treats me like a princess. He has similar life goals and family dynamic and he is very mature and put together, everything I need. He and I's one month will be in 2 days and that's the day after school starts, joy! I'm glad though c: I missed school. That's really all I have for now, but hopefully I'll be updating a lot more soon! <3 xoxo, Emma

Sorry it's Been a While!

Sometimes I think; what makes someone memerable or important? An invention? A highschool? Good grades? Words? Jobs? Adventures? Just living? Does being a druggy mean you're unimportant? Does being ugly make you unimportant? Does acting different make you unimportant? What does it really mean to make a difference and be important? Is it a waste of time to play video games? Text on a cell phone? Use a computer? Watch tv? What is a good use of time? Wandering in the desert Camping? Backpacking? Recycling? Traveling? Why is it so hard to acheive these wishes and desires such as traveling, adventuri, and making a difference? Is it because others are intimidated by your desire to be different? Maybe they believe you're strange for wanting to escape from being mainstream, in the suburbs, playing video games and using your life forvideo games Is it wrong to play on the computer, watch tv? I dont know. c: Eventually, many things could become clear and a lot more people could regret a lot. Does the fact you have sex and you're sixteen, make you sneaky, bad or malicious? Does it make you scum? A slut? A whore? Does accidently getting pregnant mean you deserve to be yelled at? Does it mean your parents are rationally angry? Why would they be angry? Why wouldnt they? Does it mean you shouldnt keep the child? Give it up for adoption or have an abortion? Does the fact you support free rights and decisions including, drug use, sex, abortion, religion, homosexuality, and other similar controversial topics make you mmoal or wrong, wortless of stupid? Or do they showwhat kind of dvocate youare to the human race, human kind? Yes, today is a question day, so comment what you think c:

Well...

Lately I feel like I've been doing everything wrong, like I'm a jerk and that I should just go away. i guess its just part of being a teenager.... oh well. I got my permit yesterday, pretty cool. I just need to go down to the dmv and get the official permit card and I.D. wooo! Legend and I, as I usually post, aregoing through though time. I feel like I'm not the right girl for him. He's said many times that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but the way he acts is prettty much the opposite of what I want of a future life style. He's into scene, goth, emo, kinda stlye. He wants to have gauges piercings and he wants to be a professional welder of some sort. He wears skiny jeans, womans sknny jeans, and loves sceamo band shirts. I'm more of the indie chick who wants to dress apropriatly and hav no more then 4 piercings, listens to indie and pop. I wanna be an art teacher and I have a plan for the future with a nice house, job, husband, and kids. He's sure he's going to give that... I just dont know.

Just an update...

Well, I'm not exactly sure what to write about today.... I feel really depressed lately and its just hard for me to accept things that I need to figure out. Like the reason I'm so upset. Why am I upset? I dont even know myself. I guess I'm a little upset because I know that I cant expect anything from my dad, and my birthday is this sunday... I just dont understand why I cant get over the fact my dad will probably never be a dad. Another reason is that many of my friends parents dislike me. My friends parents think I'm weird, I'm dumb, I'm a druggy, I'm a lesbian, I'm a drinker, and just an over all bad influenc, and I'm not. Just because I'm different, my friends cant come over, my friends cant hang out with me, I can have sleep overs. I can basically only spend time with my friends at school, and most of the time its only for 10 minutes everyday. Another reason is my trust. I just dont understand why I dont trust some of the most important people in my life. I guess its because some of the most important people (or people who should be the most important people) constantly let me down, so I never have any idea if I can trust. I trust my mom, and I trust my brother, but it's hard to trust beyond that. I wish I could trust my boyfriend, he is my whole world, my everything, but no matter how hard I try, I cant trust him. I'm constantly thinking "oh, he would be better off with so-and-so" or "since he's better off with so-and-so, then he must be cheating on me with them..." that kinda ties into that one girl who told me he was a cheater like 3 times. I dont want to believe her because shes done this before to others and been wrong, but she was my best friend at the time. It's odd though that I would even consider her words though because I've known Legend for way longer then I had known her and I know for a fact how much he hates cheaters. It's just... hard to see. Lots of girls like him, but I dont think he sees, or he sees and chooses to ignore. It just makes me feel skeptical and paranoid, which is dumb. Maybe I'm crazy.... Last night I had a really great dream, it was very perfect and peaceful and it made me so happy, and I wish I had never woken up (but not like I wanted to die) I had broken up with Legend, and over several months I kept getting heavier and heavier... I didn't understand why, and after several months of getting larger, I had a pain in my stomach and had to go to the hospital... When I arrived there, they told me I was in labor and needed to push, and I did, it hurt, but out came two babies. Two baby girls. It was terrible, and wonderful because they looked like a perfect mix of Legend and I, but it was horrible because I had decided from the mom they told me I was pregnant, that I wasnt going to tell Legend. So for the rest of the dream, I raised the two,beautiful baby girls, that was Legend and I......... well thats enough of that weird depressing stuff... soo I'll update again, whenever.

Oh nothing... Just the first week of school after winter break!

So, it's friday, January 6th, 2012, the first week of school this year, and jesus and its super boring. First of all school started on wenesday, so I'm all out of whack and second of all, tired. Not only that but with the new year, we got our classes switched around and now almost none of my classes have any of my friends in it, so I'm friendless and super tired. Blah, highschool is the best 4 years of your life! Obviously. So for the next week and a half our school is hosting Austrailian exchange students. Today I had to sit next to two of them and they were flirting with me the whole class. It was really odd and a little bit annoying considering I have a boyfriend, and at the time I was trying to complete an assignment. Agh. I must go! I shall post again soon!